Not all pain is suffering
The first arrow is pain, and some of it is unavoidable. The second is the one we add ourselves.
Read →Menu
Writing
Notes on therapy, relationships, culture, education and the ways we make sense of ourselves in the worlds we live in.
It is a place for questions I am still thinking about, not only conclusions I have reached.
Some things are worth looking at more closely
What I am working on
Much of what I am thinking about now has to do with Singapore specifically.
Filial weight.
Family obligations.
Achievement and the shape it leaves.
Streaming, and what it teaches a child about their own worth.
The particular texture of exhaustion here.
A working theory of healing
What I have come to believe about suffering, change, and the work of the practitioner. The longest thing I have written, and the ground the shorter pieces stand on.
Read →A person is love living by a map
How our ways of reaching for connection can outlive the worlds that first made them necessary.
Read →Clear seeing does not always reconcile
Sometimes understanding a relationship softens resentment. Other times it reveals what cannot be repaired or accepted, and this asks something of us.
Read →Vitality, not happiness
The opposite of suffering is not a life without pain. It is closer to the relative ease of making your move when life asks for it.
Read →The hilltop
On supervision as somewhere to step outside the immediate pull of the work and see the client, the practitioner and the wider field together.
Read →Situating the struggle
Why understanding a person sometimes requires looking beyond the person.
Read →Love turned rogue
How some of our most difficult patterns can begin as attempts to protect connection, belonging or someone we care about.
Read →Pain without the verdict
What happens when difficulty becomes a conclusion about who we are.
Read →Don't borrow the client's progress
One of the quieter pressures a therapist can place on a client is needing them to get better.
Read →Writing
Notes on therapy, relationships, culture, education and the ways we make sense of ourselves in the worlds we live in.
It is a place for questions I am still thinking about, not only conclusions I have reached.
Some things are worth looking at more closely
What I am working on
Much of what I am thinking about now has to do with Singapore specifically.
Filial weight.
Family obligations.
Achievement and the shape it leaves.
Streaming, and what it teaches a child about their own worth.
The particular texture of exhaustion here.
A working theory of healing
What I have come to believe about suffering, change, and the work of the practitioner. The longest thing I have written, and the ground the shorter pieces stand on.
Read →Not all pain is suffering
The first arrow is pain, and some of it is unavoidable. The second is the one we add ourselves.
Read →A person is love living by a map
How our ways of reaching for connection can outlive the worlds that first made them necessary.
Read →Clear seeing does not always reconcile
Sometimes understanding a relationship softens resentment. Other times it reveals what cannot be repaired or accepted, and this asks something of us.
Read →Vitality, not happiness
The opposite of suffering is not a life without pain. It is closer to the relative ease of making your move when life asks for it.
Read →The hilltop
On supervision as somewhere to step outside the immediate pull of the work and see the client, the practitioner and the wider field together.
Read →Situating the struggle
Why understanding a person sometimes requires looking beyond the person.
Read →Love turned rogue
How some of our most difficult patterns can begin as attempts to protect connection, belonging or someone we care about.
Read →Pain without the verdict
What happens when difficulty becomes a conclusion about who we are.
Read →Don't borrow the client's progress
One of the quieter pressures a therapist can place on a client is needing them to get better.
Read →